It's That Time of Year Again

I don't get into the Halloween spirit. For one, I don't dress up. I used to, but I had an unfortunate experience at a social and that was it for me. For another, I've always been the fat friend to the slutty cheerleader, cop, girl scout, and whatever else you can make slutty.

Of course, I scoff at them and roll my eyes because really, having your T & A hanging out does not mean you're dressed up. But secretly? I've wanted to be able to do that. I want to go to Fairvilla and get my slutty angel on. And now, with my new skinny self being about a year away, I can do it.

But I'm really not entirely sure if I want to. I'm very much a dress for comfort person. I'd much rather wear jeans and comfy shoes than an LBD and ultra high heels. Or even medium high heels. Strutting my stuff around downtown half nekkid? Not so much me at any size.

To those who can, rock on.

When Did I Get Old?

For the past few years, I've been saying that I can't wait to get out of my 20s and in to my 30s. I feel that decade will be exponentially better and I just want it to happen already.

However, sitting here today I'm REALLY feeling old. It started yesterday, actually, when I went to a sorority event. I'm used to walking in and knowing at least 1/4 of the people in the room. I knew no one (except Kelly, who came with me). Eventually, a few familiar faces showed up but overall, I knew no one. And no one knew who I was. It made me feel sad and a little awkward. I love to help out with my sorority when I can but sometimes I'm scared to because I don't want to be the Al Bundy reliving my glory days. Perhaps I should get involved in an adviser capacity.....

Then, SD had to go to school today. AGAIN. His schedule is insane right now because he's in the final weeks of final project. He's gone for 8-12 hours every day and I just sit here by my lonesome. I thought maybe today he would get a break, but no. Another 8 hr day. But I feel old because instead of getting up and out, I'm just sitting here watching Food Network. Then I thought, well damn, I'm ALWAYS watching Food Network. No joke, I'm like the grandma who, no matter what day or time of day it is, when you come over, she's watching her "stories." Geez Louise. This can't be healthy but I don't know what else to do. It's Orlando, for pete's sake. Not exactly a happening town. I'm so jealous of all the FB statuses today, as most friends are at a festival, on a nature hike, or just being able to wander around their fabulous city and find something to do.

If I had a job, I would have money. If I had money, I would go somewhere...Daytona, Tampa, St. Augustine, anywhere.

Damn the man.

Hallelujah!

Today is the first day I've made it this many hours without being sick.

Small victory, but I'll take it :)

What the Shit?

I am beyond annoyed for the following reasons:

1. Our AC is broken. Has been since Saturday and is supposed to be treated as an emergency when the temp is over 90. Yup. Still broken.
2. I am constantly nauseous and I can't eat anything. No, I'm not pregnant because.....
3. The dreaded monthly intruder has been here going on 13 days. Highly unusual considering I'm on BC and have been forever.
4. But I can't go to the doctor because I don't have any money.
5. My heartburn and reflux is about 100x worse since I had my hernia repaired. If I had known that was going to happen, I wouldn't have done it.
   

I hate life.

Sweet Home...um...Orlando

I'm FINALLY leaving Jacksonville tomorrow. Hallelujah! Tomorrow marks the 11th day I've been here. I know I make it sound as though I've been stranded on an island but that's seriously how I feel. I'm a little sad to leave my mom because I know she's going to have a not so great time for a little while, but I'll be back in a few weeks for our bi-annual family reunion/thanksgiving in October.

I wasn't going to come back for it, but since I haven't seen my sister in 5 years (if not more) I figured it would be a better idea if I was here. Also, she threatened my life if I did not come.

I am looking forward to a plethora of food......

WWFS

I don't have the best relationship with my parents. Not that it's a bad one, but it is strictly a parent-child relationship. When I was younger, I guess their mentality was (and by their, I really mean my dad's) to teach us kids that we are not friends; they are the parents and we are the children.

I would assume most parents start out like that, as not to blur the lines. However, as the child(ren) get older, that relationship is supposed to morph to one of not child and parent, but adult child and parent. Many of my friends talk about being best friends with their parents and that is something that is completely foreign to me. I've used to want that type of closeness with my parents and now, at almost 30, I feel like it's something that won't happen. But I'm oddly okay with that.

Currently, my father is not speaking to me due to recent decisions I've made in my life. He hasn't spoken to me in exactly one week. Actually, that's not true. He's spoken to me 5 times since last Monday. My sister thinks I should apologize to him and at first, I thought so, too. But now I feel like why should I? I will be 28 next month. I am a grown woman and I will continue to make decisions for my life without his approval or permission. If/when SD proposes, I won't call first to make sure I can say yes. I won't call and ask if it's okay to have a baby, or to move to another state, or to do anything else that has to do strictly with my life.

Yesterday, SD asked if my father was driving me crazy yet and I told him he hasn't been speaking to me. SD asked if him not speaking to me was better than him speaking to me and I said yes, it was. How sad is it when someone says that your silent treatment is better than actual conversation with you?

What would Freud say?

I'm Back. For now.

So turns out there has been a big change in my life and it's pretty exciting. I know, it's a tease to say that and then not share, but whatever. I'll do what I want. LOL. However, those of you that read this and are in on the secret, thanks for keeping it to yourselves.

I'm currently in Jacksonville at my parents' house and the fact that I am unable to sleep in one of my least favorite cities in the world.....well, let's just say I'm not happy. Why don't I just leave? Yeah, good question. Also part of the secret, so I'll just say "I can't."

I'm not able to take the LSAT this month, which is kind of a bummer, but I also didn't study as much as I should have, so it's kind of a good thing. I've signed up to take the one in December, but that's cutting it close. I've been really buckling down so hopefully I'll do well. I was all about going to MSU Law because I've always wanted to go there. But nooooow, Brooklyn Law is making a strong comeback.

You might be thinking, "um, remember that time you went to NY?" And yes, I do. I feel like this time would be different. I'm a strong believer in "everything happens for a reason" and I believe that everything has a time and a place. Maybe last time wasn't really my time and I was trying to force it to be. Maybe this time is. But I won't know until I go. Plus, being there for school is different than being there all willy nilly. I'd have a purpose and a guaranteed place to live for at least my first year. Which is part of the school's appeal. MSU doesn't have that. FAIL. I NEEEED to live north of Florida. I am so jealous of everyone and their fall clothes and pumpkin spice lattes.

Which we obviously have in FL, but how much fun is it to wear a super cute sweater and boots and sip hot lattes in 80 degree weather?