Be warned. This is a woe is me post. It'll be pretty negative. If that's not what you're looking for in your day, you might want to skip this.
I got my LSAT scores yesterday. Remember when I said I'm either smarter than I thought I was, or I did horribly? Yeah, it was the latter.
To be honest, I didn't think I would do phenomenally. I thought I would fall in the average range, given that 1) I hadn't taken this test before and 2) I studied but not as much as I should/could have. To say I did horribly is a gross understatement. I'm not giving a number, but I would equate it to not breaking 1000 on the SAT.
At first, I sat in shock. Then I was kind of numb because, well, there went my dream of going to law school. Later on, I cried because I feel like a failure and this? Right here? Is why I never took the test in the past. I'm a big believer of knowing my capabilities and while I think I'm savvy enough to be a good attorney, when it comes to having to takes tests, I can't do it. I don't know if it's lack of focus or diminished mental capacity, but either way, I suck at it. I always have. Elementary school, middle school, high school, all the way up. When it came to doing homework and class participation, it was clear I knew the material. But then it would be test time, and I'd be getting Cs. It's incredibly frustrating and I have no idea how to fix it.
While it's a devastating blow to my ego (since I pride myself on being fairly intelligent), it isn't really the end of the world. Although my score has, temporarily, taken me out of the running for most of the schools I planned on applying to, I can re-take the test in February or June. However, deadlines are approaching and for a few of the schools on my list, the December test is the latest one I could take before applications were due. So now I have to go through the schools, find out which ones will allow me to use scores from June, and study my ass from now until then.
But if I still don't do well after an additional 5 months of studying, I may drive my car off a bridge.
