Friday, June 18, 2010

Alllll Byyyyy MyyyySeeeelf

This was quite possibly the most trying week of my life. And by week, I mean 5 days, but who's counting? I have cried no less than twice a day, everyday, since I've been here. For those of you that really know me, you can see how serious that is.

Much of it has to do with stress. I don't really have a place to live, I don't have a paying job (yet), and the biggest thing of all is I'm here by myself. It sucks majorly. Yes, I do have many acquaintances living here, but everyone is busy with their own lives and can't drop everything just because I'm here now. Nor do I expect them to. I miss SD so much, I don't even know what to do with myself. I can't even really enjoy myself because what fun is it experiencing something new with no one to share it with? I tried wandering around yesterday by myself, and while I felt like I should be in awe of everything going on around me, I just wasn't that into it. I wound up going back to my friend's apartment. And crying. I'm at the point where I have to skip songs on my iPod because all they do it make me think of him. Alicia Keys, most of John Mayer, some of Josh Kelley and the entire Sleep Through the Static album.....that wipes out at least 60% of my music.

Or maybe (as a friend pointed out tonight) now just isn't the right time for me to be here. But if not now, when? I have no kids, I'm not married, and the only person I have to take care of is myself. Now seemed like a pretty good time to me. Then again, as the same friend said, the city isn't for everyone. I think I may fall into that category. It's funny how quickly things change. Whether or not I return to NYC after I get back from Vegas is up in the air right now.

I won't even get started on how I feel like a failure at work. I did do one thing right, though. I had to cry, so I went outside.

I think maybe tomorrow I'll give sightseeing another try.

2 comments:

  1. Im proud of you either way ... "you do you girl" and thats all that matters :)

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