Figuring Out What to Do with Life. Take 2.

If you've been following along, you know that my Bright Lights, Big City dream didn't pan out the way I planned. Now I'm on to the next step in my life.

Taking the LSAT.

This is something I have been saying I was going to do ever since I graduated. Wayyyyy back in 2005. I've never done it because I've always had this fear of failing it miserably, and then what? It's kind of like the ace in my pocket, or whatever that saying is. I've done and tried everything else and law school is kind of a last resort. Well, not really a last resort, but it's the one thing I feel I have left to try before it's like, okay, you've used up all your options.

So there you go.

I'm already overwhelmed at all the school possibilities. I know that I want to do either entertainment law or civil rights law, but that's about all I've got right now. Oh, and the test is in October, so I should probably do less blogging and more studying? Yeah. Good idea.

Another thing I will be embarking on is finding ways to make my life more interesting in general. One thing I thought about when leaving NYC was that my blog would slowly become less interesting and funny because I'm in a less interesting and funny environment right now. A friend told me she would follow my blog anyway because I'm funny, and I told her that I view myself as situationally funny, at best (which I'm not even sure is a word, but you get what I mean). So nooooow, I have to put myself in situations to get good writings. First on the list, go to some of the companies I've applied to and talk to them in person.

This could either be a really good thing or a really bad thing. I'll let you know.

Alllll Byyyyy MyyyySeeeelf

This was quite possibly the most trying week of my life. And by week, I mean 5 days, but who's counting? I have cried no less than twice a day, everyday, since I've been here. For those of you that really know me, you can see how serious that is.

Much of it has to do with stress. I don't really have a place to live, I don't have a paying job (yet), and the biggest thing of all is I'm here by myself. It sucks majorly. Yes, I do have many acquaintances living here, but everyone is busy with their own lives and can't drop everything just because I'm here now. Nor do I expect them to. I miss SD so much, I don't even know what to do with myself. I can't even really enjoy myself because what fun is it experiencing something new with no one to share it with? I tried wandering around yesterday by myself, and while I felt like I should be in awe of everything going on around me, I just wasn't that into it. I wound up going back to my friend's apartment. And crying. I'm at the point where I have to skip songs on my iPod because all they do it make me think of him. Alicia Keys, most of John Mayer, some of Josh Kelley and the entire Sleep Through the Static album.....that wipes out at least 60% of my music.

Or maybe (as a friend pointed out tonight) now just isn't the right time for me to be here. But if not now, when? I have no kids, I'm not married, and the only person I have to take care of is myself. Now seemed like a pretty good time to me. Then again, as the same friend said, the city isn't for everyone. I think I may fall into that category. It's funny how quickly things change. Whether or not I return to NYC after I get back from Vegas is up in the air right now.

I won't even get started on how I feel like a failure at work. I did do one thing right, though. I had to cry, so I went outside.

I think maybe tomorrow I'll give sightseeing another try.

I'm So Excited! I'm So Excited! I'm So......Scared!

As you can see, I'm having myself a bit of a Jessie Spano freak out moment. I leave tomorrow for New York and I've got a bowling ball sized knot in my stomach. I thought I would feel different. Excited, maybe, or even anxious. I don't think I feel either of those things. Mainly, I don't want to leave SD. I know I'll be back next month, but that's only for a few days until I go to Vegas.

It also makes me nervous to not know what's going to happen once I return from Vegas. If I don't have a job or the promise of one, I might be stuck in Orlando until further notice.

I'm also jealous that I won't be watching True Blood. We don't have HBO, but I saw the first season on Netflix. The second season JUST became available. Ugh.