Well, That Was Short

How many of you just thought "that's what she said"? Don't lie.

Anyway, it's been a little while since my last entry and a few things have changed since then. First, since I didn't do it Monday, here is my list of things I'm learning in New York:

1. People here LOOOOVE their dogs. I can't turn around without tripping over one. From what I've seen, the dogs of choice are Yorkies and French Bulldogs.
2. Getting off of a train that is too crowded and waiting for the next one because, surely, that one will be less crowded? DOES. NOT. WORK.
3. New Yorkers that have to walk with newbies get grouchy. I'm sorry. I'm not used to walking 500 miles.
   
4. Although those jeweled sandals that are all the rage right now are super cute and a good item to have, unless you have hardened NY feet, they are not conducive to walking long distances. Or short distances, if I'm being completely honest.
   
5. The only thing that makes a NY hot dog a NY hot dog is the water it's cooked in.
6. Sweating is okay. Everyone is doing it.
7. Not every place takes debit. Most people might be thinking "well, duh" but for someone like me, who almost never carries cash, this took some getting used to.
8. Cabs have a minimum speed of 80 mph.
9. No one actually waits for the crosswalk to turn green. It's basically a giant game of Frogger that everyone is playing.
10. And the most important thing I've learned is that although New York is an amazing city to visit, it's not the place for me to live.

Which brings me to today. I have returned to Orlando 2 weeks earlier than anticipated. I didn't once doubt that I needed to come back home, but I did doubt when I should return. Initially, I felt that I should maybe wait it out until it was time for me to go to Vegas. However, I ultimately decided it wasn't necessary. Many people have asked (and will probably continue to ask) how do you know already? Don't you think you should give it more time? What about it don't you like?

The list of answers to those questions is pretty long and, quite frankly, I don't feel the need to explain myself to anyone. The best (and shortest) way to sum it up is this: when you know something is (or isn't) right, you know. I think most people are as in tune to their emotions as I am, but they allow other things to influence their decisions. Me, not so much. And come on. How many people do you know that constantly say they want to try something and wish they could go somewhere, and do nothing about it?

Veni, vidi, not so vici, but I tried.

Stop This Train/ I Want to Get Off and Go Home Again

That plays in my head every time I step into the subway. The whole song doesn't fit how I feel, just that line.

It's pretty late and I should be sleeping but 1) I have to wait up for SD to call me and 2) I can't sleep when I'm upset, so writing it down should help.

I am SICK AND TIRED of people trying to tell me what to do. I have pretty much decided that after I leave NYC for Vegas, I will not be returning. Yes, I've only been here a little over a week, but so what? I know in my heart what's right for me and what's not and, really, that's all that matters. I mean, I know I don't like cooked broccoli. Do I need to eat it for 3 months to know for sure? No.

Okay, so maybe broccoli isn't on the same level. Then let's compare it to a relationship. I knew within the first few weeks of being with SD that this was something I wanted to stick around for. Should I have waited 6 months and then made that decision? No, because it's not necessary. People process thoughts and emotions differently and I'm sorry that I can do so faster than you. Actually, that's not true. I'm not sorry.

I have shared these thoughts (the ones about not returning) with a few people before writing this post and I was met with mixed reactions. Some had the nerve to say that I was only going back for SD, or that I need to stay here for a year or so to really get the feel of it. First of all, no. I am not going back FOR HIM. Do I miss him? We all know the answer to that. HOW.EV.ER. Orlando is home to me. Or I should say it's the closest thing to home for me, considering I spent the last 8 years of my life there (the rest were spent moving somewhere new every 3 years). So even if he weren't there, that's where I would be going. Second of all, I find it amusing that this is coming from the same people whose first question when I decided to come to NY was "what about SD?" Sooooo.....I should have been considering him and his feelings when moving away from him, but going back should only be about me? Where is the concern for him now? Oh. Okay. That's what I thought.

Even if none of that were true and my decision to not stay in NY was completely and utterly based on wanting to be with him, IT'S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS. Sure, you're entitled to your opinion but if you only have negative things to say, keep it to yourself.

To those people, I say: "Bitter, party of one. Your table is ready."

I will admit, I toyed with the idea of staying because of lame reasons like I don't want people to think I'm a quitter or that I'm giving up. I keep having to remind myself that I'm not doing anything for anyone but myself. The only people's opinions I care about are my mom's, my dad's, and SD's. Anyone else can go fly a kite.

Another thing that I mention (and it gets overlooked) is that staying here is dependent upon getting a paying job. If I don't have one, whether or not I want to stay will be irrelevant. I have applied to NBC and CNN here in the city and we'll see what happens. Will I feel the same way about my decision in 22 days? Probably. Is there a slim possibility that could change? Always. But the way I can tell this is the right decision is that I have no inner turmoil about it (starting a sentence with a conjunction still kills me, but sometimes I can't help it). I'm not going back and forth asking myself "what if?" and whether or not I am sure. Getting a good job here is the only thing that will make me stay.

I also have a lot to say about my internship as well, but I think I've done enough raving for the night.

Things are Looking Up

Yesterday was a much better day than all the ones before it. Not once did I cry thinking about how lonely I was. I finally didn't feel ALL ALONE. I don't know if it was from good conversation with MS, or my Skype session with SD (and yes, all clothes were on. dirty minds.) but I woke up yesterday thinking, "today will be a good day." Some might say it was the power of suggestion that made it such, but I disagree. I mean, if that were the case, then you could also say that the days I felt like deep fried poo were ones that I woke up saying "today will be shitastic. I will cry all day." Whatever the case, I'm just glad I'm better.

I spent all day yesterday with JP and her friends. We went to a couple cute little bars, ate, moved locations, ate again, and then finally headed home. This is one thing I can definitely put in the "pro" column for staying: we were out, literally, all day. We left around 1ish and got back home at 10:30ish. Can you do that in Orlando? No, because I've tried. That's the main thing that drove me crazy back home. I could sit in the house all day for 5 days a week. Not cool.

Today, I'm meeting up with a fellow Full Sailor, JS, who also just got to the city this week. I'm excited to have someone here who is sharing what I'm going through.

And p.s. I swear, I have not stopped sweating since I got here. Trust me when I say it's hot and slightly uncomfortable. I know heat, I'm a Floridian.