The Return

As promised, I'm back :)

I'm going through some tough times and in an attempt to not flood my friend's news feeds with emo status updates, I will do all my crying and bitching here. That was your warning.

My boyfriend left today and is driving across the country to Seattle. To live. Without me. I get why he did it; he has to put himself in the environment to get the job he wants. But honestly, I thought I'd be with him. There are two main factors as to why I didn't go and now, only one of them seems important.

He hasn't even been gone 10 hours and I feel like I've lost a limb. My friends have been awesome, checking in on me and offering words of encouragement. I know it will get easier as time goes on, but this first day/night sucks without him. I still sort of can't believe he won't be back in a couple of days; I feel like he's on a mini vacay. The longest we've ever been apart is 7 days; other than that, we've spent every day for the past 4 years.

I miss my other half. I want him back.

I'll Be Back

I didn't realize it's been 6 months since my last post. I've had quite a bit going on but very soon I will be spending more time writing.

I just need a minute.....

FAIL

Be warned. This is a woe is me post. It'll be pretty negative. If that's not what you're looking for in your day, you might want to skip this.

I got my LSAT scores yesterday. Remember when I said I'm either smarter than I thought I was, or I did horribly? Yeah, it was the latter.

To be honest, I didn't think I would do phenomenally. I thought I would fall in the average range, given that 1) I hadn't taken this test before and 2) I studied but not as much as I should/could have. To say I did horribly is a gross understatement. I'm not giving a number, but I would equate it to not breaking 1000 on the SAT.

At first, I sat in shock. Then I was kind of numb because, well, there went my dream of going to law school. Later on, I cried because I feel like a failure and this? Right here? Is why I never took the test in the past. I'm a big believer of knowing my capabilities and while I think I'm savvy enough to be a good attorney, when it comes to having to takes tests, I can't do it. I don't know if it's lack of focus or diminished mental capacity, but either way, I suck at it. I always have. Elementary school, middle school, high school, all the way up. When it came to doing homework and class participation, it was clear I knew the material. But then it would be test time, and I'd be getting Cs. It's incredibly frustrating and I have no idea how to fix it.

While it's a devastating blow to my ego (since I pride myself on being fairly intelligent), it isn't really the end of the world. Although my score has, temporarily, taken me out of the running for most of the schools I planned on applying to, I can re-take the test in February or June. However, deadlines are approaching and for a few of the schools on my list, the December test is the latest one I could take before applications were due. So now I have to go through the schools, find out which ones will allow me to use scores from June, and study my ass from now until then.

But if I still don't do well after an additional 5 months of studying, I may drive my car off a bridge.

It's Been A While

Here's what's happened in the past 4-ish weeks:

1. I started working. I actually like my job. It's not stressful, which is a big plus for me. Especially if I plan on working and going to school at the same time. The people I work with are nice and overall, it's a good company.
2. I've lost 58 lbs to date. I bought a whole new wardrobe (mostly for work) and I feel fabulous!! I look pretty good, too :)
3. I finally took my LSAT. It was not as bad as I thought it was going to be. Which means I'm either smarter than I thought I was or I'm not at all and I did really bad. I'm hoping it's the former.
   
4. I've also started filling out my applications for schools. I'm struggling with my personal statement. I haven't led an interesting life. I'm not a crack baby, I was never homeless, I grew up with both parents in a loving home. I'm not being flip. I just sometimes feel like those are the types of stories schools like to hear about; it's almost like you have to show that you can overcome diversity to handle higher education. Hopefully I can form an essay that doesn't suck.
5. I have a lot of things personally that I need to work out. My instinct is to fight and get revenge, but a little part of me thinks I should let go and let God. I'm going to pray that little part of me gets bigger and I can handle this with class and grace.
   

Happy To Be Me

TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY!

I AM EMPLOYED AGAIN!

I'm thankful to be alive.

Matthew 6:8

Looks like my funemployment run is over. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, someone finally hired me!

I am beyond excited. I was a little annoyed when the first question out of my mother's mouth was "How much are you making?" Um, more than I'm making now, which is $0. Thanks. Granted, I'm not making as much as I've made in the past, but you know what? I don't even care right now.

I'm excited, it's a good company, there's room for growth, and it fits in well with my plans to go to law school. Oh, and now I can actually go to the doctor without having to exchange a kidney for payment.

Seriously, friends?!? Seriously.

As of the last time I weighed myself, I have lost 42 lbs. Yay me!

So I'm all excited and start grabbing clothes out my closet to try on. I'm giddy, thinking that my pants will fall off me and shirts will look like tents and woo-hoo, shopping spree time. Except I put on my clothes, and they fit. Not only did they fit, but they looked better on me than they had in the past. Which can only mean one thing.

HOW COME NO ONE TOLD ME I WAS FAT GUY IN A LITTLE COAT?

Honestly, people. It's clear from my little fashion show that I was a) bigger than I thought and b) wearing clothes that were too small. Thanks for telling me.

You guys are fired.