Is This a New Record?

Two posts in two days? Has this happened before?

I usually write on 2 occasions: 1) something amazingly funny has happened and I have to share or 2) I'm incredibly stressed out. If you guessed that is a time #2, congratulations. You win.

I know just yesterday I wrote about how excited I am to move, and I still am, but I'm also worried. And when I'm worried, I don't sleep. Good thing I'm taking vitamins because all this stress is bound to make my hair fall out :(

I've been up since about 3am, watching Teen Mom 2 and worrying about my (read: our) future. I finally sat down to do some LSAT studying--story of my life. Which kind of got this ball of worry rolling. I still don't feel prepared enough to take it next month and do well enough to get into school this fall. However, if I don't take it now, I would have to wait until NEXT YEAR to apply for (and hopefully start) school. It might not seem that bad but not only will I be 30 this year, I'm also getting married in 6 months.

I know plenty of people get married and go to school and blah blah blah, but I feel like my time is running out. The logical next step after marriage for me is to have children. Although I don't plan on making this an immediate step, I would like it to happen within the year after our wedding. Law school is at least another 3 years and I feel that having a child while being a full-time law student is a less than ideal situation.

But then that leaves me with, if not law school, then what?

I never thought I'd be in this place. Growing up, I figured by this time in my life, I'd be good at something. Anything. But I'm not. I have no real skills to speak of and I don't have a career; I just have jobs and feel that I'm floating around trying to find something to do and it's becoming a huge waste of time. I started out with psychology and then decided I didn't want to go farther with that. Then I did entertainment business but trying to get an in with no experience is damn near impossible. Law has always been in the background but after 2 failed LSATs, I'm not really looking forward to getting back on that horse.

I have to do something. I want to be able to help my future husband support us, I want to give my children the best life possible, I want to love (or at least not loathe) what I do, and I want to feel like I can breathe.

Now wonder I can't effing sleep.

New Beginnings.

This is roughly my 80th attempt at blogging. I always have a urge to start one depending on what new things are happening in my life, but then get overwhelmed at the thought of having to update so often. Most of my other blogs have at least one, but no more than 3, posts. If I really stopped to think about it, I'd realize there is no pressure to write because the likelihood that I will have followers is probably slim. So really, I'm only writing for myself. And that's okay. On the off chance that someone decides to pay attention to anything I have to say, I would like to apologize ahead of time if I slack off a little. I'm going to make a commitment, right now, to blog no less than 2 times a week. Sometimes more, if my week gets really exciting.

I'm going to end this entry here but I do have somethings I'd like to talk about, which I will most likely be doing tomorrow.