Two posts in two days? Has this happened before?
I usually write on 2 occasions: 1) something amazingly funny has happened and I have to share or 2) I'm incredibly stressed out. If you guessed that is a time #2, congratulations. You win.
I know just yesterday I wrote about how excited I am to move, and I still am, but I'm also worried. And when I'm worried, I don't sleep. Good thing I'm taking vitamins because all this stress is bound to make my hair fall out :(
I've been up since about 3am, watching Teen Mom 2 and worrying about my (read: our) future. I finally sat down to do some LSAT studying--story of my life. Which kind of got this ball of worry rolling. I still don't feel prepared enough to take it next month and do well enough to get into school this fall. However, if I don't take it now, I would have to wait until NEXT YEAR to apply for (and hopefully start) school. It might not seem that bad but not only will I be 30 this year, I'm also getting married in 6 months.
I know plenty of people get married and go to school and blah blah blah, but I feel like my time is running out. The logical next step after marriage for me is to have children. Although I don't plan on making this an immediate step, I would like it to happen within the year after our wedding. Law school is at least another 3 years and I feel that having a child while being a full-time law student is a less than ideal situation.
But then that leaves me with, if not law school, then what?
I never thought I'd be in this place. Growing up, I figured by this time in my life, I'd be good at something. Anything. But I'm not. I have no real skills to speak of and I don't have a career; I just have jobs and feel that I'm floating around trying to find something to do and it's becoming a huge waste of time. I started out with psychology and then decided I didn't want to go farther with that. Then I did entertainment business but trying to get an in with no experience is damn near impossible. Law has always been in the background but after 2 failed LSATs, I'm not really looking forward to getting back on that horse.
I have to do something. I want to be able to help my future husband support us, I want to give my children the best life possible, I want to love (or at least not loathe) what I do, and I want to feel like I can breathe.
Now wonder I can't effing sleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment