Turns Out Not Where But Who You're With...

Sorry DMB, but I'm calling BS on that one.

I seem to be regressing. When I was younger, I used to cry, bitch and moan constantly about being a military brat. I can distinctly remember saying that when I have kids, I making damn sure that I don't marry a military man because I want my children to have stable lives and the same friends from kindergarten up to college. Then around the time we went to Japan, I changed my tune. I couldn't WAIT to marry someone in the military so my kids could move around and experience different people and places, and I've been like that ever since.

Except now.

I am so homesick I could cry. Or scream. Actually, I've been doing both lately. Today is worse than ever because this weekend if my family reunion and this is the first time I'm not there. I didn't go mainly because I have to take the LSAT tomorrow, but if we were living in FL, or at least somewhere close, I could make it home. It's takes damn near a full day with time changes and such to fly from here to FL and obviously driving is out of the question.

This also presents a problem when it comes time for us to start a family. I keep saying that I need to be close to my support system before I start having babies; my husband seems to think all we need is each other. I'm sorry, no. He doesn't understand where I'm coming from because 1) he's a man and 2) he thinks that whatever his mother was able to do means that's the way to do it...he's very "if she could do it, so can you." It's not about whether or not I CAN; of course I can. But who wants to do that? I'M the one who will be at home for 3 months with a newborn, I'M the one who won't have anyone to get me out of the house at the 4th week so I don't go crazy, I'M the one who will need her mom and won't be able to have her readily available. Okay, maybe that last one isn't entirely fair since his mother isn't with us anymore, but you get my point. He doesn't even try to see things from my perspective. Also, it's fun to share this experience with your friends and family: baby showers, maternity clothes shopping, hospital and home visitors....all stuff I won't have here because I only know ONE person.

I hate it here.

Time for an Update

So it's been forever, I know, but aside from a few highlights, my life hasn't been that interesting. Here's an update in the shortest form I can manage.

• July 29th, 2012, Stephen and I tied the knot. It was my most favorite day of my life thus far and I'm excited to live the rest of my life with him.

• We both started new jobs. He loves his. I hate mine. Actually, it's not that I hate the job itself, just the girl I work with. And come Monday, the fur is gonna fly. You'll know if I still have a job if the frequency of my posting increases.

• A close friend of mine got engaged and I'm super excited for her. My husband asked me the other day if I was in the bridal party and it wasn't until then that I realized I'm hurt I wasn't asked to be. And that's all I have to say about that.

• I have decided to start a business. It's in it's very early stages and I'm excited to see what I can do.

So yeah. Months and months of my life can be summed up into 4 bullet points. Awesome, right?

Until next time.

Under 21 not permitted

I posted today on FB a question that I've been trying to figure out the answer to by myself. How exactly do I tell people that they're children are not invited to the wedding?

Oh, the responses. It's at least 30 responses deep and there are mixed feelings. People pointed out that regardless of the words I choose, there will be people that will bring their children anyway. I get that people with children want them to be with them but quite honestly, it's my day (well, our day) and if I say no children, I'm really hoping that people will respect that. That would be like you inviting me to your party and telling me not to bring a friend of mine that you really can't stand, but I decide f*ck it, I'm bringing her anyways. Kind of disrespectful. And maybe something little like that shouldn't bother me and kudos to those that it wouldn't make a difference to. HOW-EV-ER, I am OCD and like things the way I like them and dammit, I only plan on doing this once so why shouldn't it be exactly how I want it?

Don't get me wrong. It's not that I hate children or that I think people will be getting naked wasted. It's that 1) I don't want to risk children (mainly babies) starting to cry in the middle of the ceremony, then the parent has to get up and it's a distraction and 2) most of the people invited have at least one child. Do you know what that does to your budget?!? I'm not paying $15 a child so your kid can eat 1/2 a chicken finger and 3 fries.

I'm gonna try not to give myself an ulcer worrying about it but I guess I'd better gear up for the uncomfortable phone calls I might have to make to let people know that "sorry the no children at the bottom of the invite wasn't clear...."

I did say (jokingly) say that I was going to have a bouncer but now I'm thinking my planner may have to wear that hat on 7/29.

Back to Life Back to Reality

The past 3 weeks have been fairly interesting. For starters, I got a job working in a pet store. I thought it would be awesome since I was working in the doggie day camp, but after 4 days of being stuck in a room reading a million pages of how to take care of a dog, I decided it wasn't for me. Actually, it didn't take 4 days for me to decide; I wanted to quit the first day. But because my fiance and are trying to get married sometime this year, I figured I'd better suck it up because we need the money.

However, just when I said I wasn't going back to work the next day, I got a call that I got a manager position at a gym. Hallelujah! I did something I've never done before and called the pet store and told them, sorry, not coming back. I had my first day working at the gym and thought 'well hell. this sucks, too.' But in a strange turn of events, I received a call from a law firm that wanted to hire me. WITHOUT AN INTERVIEW, AT THAT! Because I liked the people at the gym, I went back the next day and explained to them the situation instead of calling. So yay! Now I have gainful employment and not a moment too soon because I need me some health insurance. Like right now.

Even thought it's only my second day at work, I like it because I'm doing the same work I was doing in Jacksonville so there isn't that learning curve. Normally, the first week of a new job sucks because instead of doing work, you're following someone around and watching them do work.

Stephen also had an interview somewhere so I'm excited to see how that turns out. God is looking out for us.

Day 3

Annnnnnnnd scene.

I did it. I ate.

Let me back up to day 2. Shortly after that entry, Stephen and I sat around throwing back and forth to eat or not to eat. We were starving and delusional and not in our right minds.

Okay, sorry for the dramatics. We weren't actually starving (obvi) but we were pretty hungry. And talking about food and thinking about it, I just couldn't hold out anymore. As much as I would like to blame this on him, it's my fault. I'm the only one of us that controls what I do and I could've fought through it and stayed strong, but I just didn't. So we went to Whole Foods and got salads. And organic popcorn. Then we came home and ate said salads and popcorn. And maybe a Girl Scout cookie or two.

I should've stopped at my salad but once I tasted the forbidden fruit, the floodgates were open and I couldn't stop. I also probably should have started over again on day 3 (technically day 1) but again, I had a taste of the good life and wanted more. So yeah. I ate again yesterday. A strange thing happened though. I pointed out to Stephen now that I'm eating again and we have all this bounty in the house (because contrary to what some people do, we did not get rid of all the good food in the cabinets and refrigerator), I didn't really want it. I actually felt like my body was craving the juice and once I made some and drank it, I was satisfied. So I made it two more times.. When I got up this morning, I thought about starting fresh today. Then I showered and changed my mind. Then I went and sat forever at the lab to drug test and changed my mind again. However, I'm currently eating some trail mix while I type, so I guess it changed again.

I'll be honest. I wasn't even going to confess. I thought no one would even notice if I just skipped over entries. But then I awoke this morning to a message on FB telling me that I was inspiring and I thought "well, I can't be both inspirational AND a liar." So thank you, MM, for keeping me honest.

Who knows? Maybe this will still inspire someone to give it a try and they'll reach their goal. Maybe someone will try and stumble like I did, but read this and know that sometimes that happens. Either way, I hope I've helped.

Day 2

I started today with it not being that bad. Now that I'm at the end of the day, I want to slap anyone that talks to me.

I can't really figure out what it is that's annoying me. I can honestly say I'm not really hungry; it's probably just that I miss the act of consuming food. I am a foodie to the core. I love going out and trying new foods, I love flipping through menus and reading the descriptions of food, I love absolutely everything about food and now I can't have ANY. Ugggghhhhh.....

Thank God for my fiance because without him, I would be cramming my pie hole full of tacos right now. We did, however, have a 10 minute debate as to whether or not we wanted to throw in the towel. A friend asked me today why I was doing this and my answer was 1) I'd like to lose a couple pounds and 2) I just want to see if I can. It's the second part that's keeping me going right now. I know if I stop I'll feel like a failure and that I don't want. I just hope I can remember that tomorrow.

Day 1

I'm almost hesitant to say that day 1 wasn't so bad because I don't want to trick myself into thinking these next 6.5 days will be easy. But, in all honesty, it really wasn't that bad.

For breakfast, I had a spinach and green apple juice and Stephen had a carrot and apple juice; mine tasted like fresh cut grass and his was a lot better. It got harder once he went to work because I didn't have anyone to distract me from thinking about all the delicious food I can't eat, but even then it wasn't terrible. Something I didn't realize is that you should have a juice every couple of hours; when you've been a lifetime "dieter" like I used to be, my mind immediately switched back to trying not to eat for as long as possible. I definitely don't suggest that and tomorrow I will be juicing every couple of hours.

I felt bad for Stephen because while I got to sit at home and sleep away the urge to eat, he had to go to work. At Barnes and Noble, which is connected to.....Starbucks. Yeah, I don't think I would've made it if I were him, but he stayed strong and I'm so thankful he is willing to go along with this because without him, I would've caved by now.

I'm praying that tomorrow goes like today, except about 20% easier.